trust me

Of course you can trust me. I’m a skilled top. I mean, you saw me swinging a whip around some and it looked good, didn’t it? You can surely tell I’ve been practicing for a long time, and that I was taught by the best. Safety protocols? Yeah, of course I follow those. Sorry, just a sec, I need to use the bathroom, I just had a coupla beer before the party. Oh, you’d like a reference? Sure, lemme just get Bob. He’s been submissive to me for months, he can totally vouch for me. Aftercare? Well, I don’t really believe in aftercare. I mean, of course I’ll hug you and stuff, but actually I have another play date in… um… an hour and a half, so we might need to keep it to a minimum. Thanks, I knew you’d understand. What? Yeah, I’m totally clean. Do I look like the kind of person who’d have a disease? Please!

Oh, come on. Enough with this negotiation stuff. Let’s just let the chemistry flow. I’m awfully sexy, and I’m paying a lot of attention to you. You should be flattered. And we all know that in the SM world, when you’re hot, you’re at the top of the food chain. And y’know, who wouldn’t want to get with a top who’s at the top of the food chain? It might bring you a few steps further up that chain, yourself. Well, as far up the chain as a lowly submissive is ever gonna go, yuk yuk. It’s okay, honey, maybe you can learn to top one day. If you do, then you’re not really a true submissive, but I’m sure that’s no big deal to you. What? Oh, no, no offense. I’m pretty brainy, a touch arrogant, sure, but only cuz I know you like it. Also, I have a high-powered job, and some money to throw around—I had to get this leather outfit custom-tailored last time I was in London, so as to appropriately showcase my perfection, don’tcha know! We both know I have that mysterious edge of dominance that turns your knees a bit weak, that yummy sense of entitlement that means I’m really truly the Real Thing, and I’m just gonna read your gasps and flushes and writhings such that you basically don’t have to say a word and I know exactly what you need. That’s what I’m good at, after all. Reading your transparent little submissive mind. I’ve honed my craft. Baby, you think you can hide something from me? I don’t need safewords. I’ve been doing this for years. They line up around the block for me. You think you’re something special? Well, if you’re not interested, I’ll just move along to the next hungry… what? Oh, well, in that case, you’ve managed to retain my interest. For now.

Did I mention I’ve been doing this for years? I’m super experienced. Yeah, I learned from the Old Guard, and boy, those guys knew how to do things right. They used the eight classic slave positions and all the real protocols. It’s a lost art, I’m telling you, it just kills me how the kids these days are such lightweights. They don’t take anything seriously. In my day, a submissive didn’t question orders—they just obeyed! And they used honorifics at all times. And sat on the floor, not the bloody furniture, of all things! Yes, even in public restaurants. They were truly proud of what they were. None of this make-the-vanillas-comfortable shit. Munches with no fetish wear—what a joke! And we never shined our own boots—there was always a willing tongue available. And they’d speak when spoken to, and anticipate our every need, and take whatever we felt like dishing out. And anytime we brought our slaves to another master’s house, they knew full well they were there to be used by whoever wanted them. Duh. That’s what a real submissive does, y’know? It was a time of courage. A time of honour. A time of truth. They just don’t make them like they used to. But you, little one… you might have some potential. I have a feeling about you. All you need to do is obey me, and I’ll show you how this is really done. What? Chicago? Uh… you mean San Francisco, don’t you? Well, I lived in San Francisco back in the day. The old days I mean. No, we didn’t write this stuff down. Are you kidding? It was, y’know, tribal—we passed on knowledge to each other through mentorship, it was all oral tradition.

If you want to know that I’m the real deal, just check out my list of friends. I trained under Midori. Yeah, for serious. She taught me everything about bondage. I learned so well I even showed her a trick or two. Me and Fakir go way back, too. See this scar? Yeah, that’s where he put a hook in me once at a Sunbeam ritual. And I pal around with Jay Wiseguy. I mean, uh, Wiseman. You know, the author? I proofread his last book, actually, the Better Built Bondage Book. He forgot to put me in the credits, but that’s cool with me, we don’t need to thank each other for these things. Yeah, totally, you can ask them. I mean, Midori’s on the road a lot, and her e-mail was bouncing last week. And Fakir, well, he’s getting up there, so he’s a bit forgetful these days, but you could give him a shot. And Jay—my man! He’s a bit hard to track down, but yeah, go ahead, tell them I said hi. But anyway, there’s a cross free over there. Let’s grab it before someone else takes it over. I can’t wait to get my hands on you.

Anyway, I’m a community leader. I’ve got cred. I’ve been running this event for seven years! I can put you on the guest list for next time, if you want. Just tell them you’re with me and they’ll let you in. Come find me, I’ll be in the VIP lounge. It’s so much easier to socialize when you’re among the elite, y’know? I swear, the plebes are such a pain to deal with sometimes. Oh, also, I’m on the board for the big conference next month, and we need helpers. I know you’d be super good at that. No worries, I’ll just slip a little note to the committee at the next meeting and make sure you’re in. The discount is really great. Oh, you’re very welcome. I don’t do this sort of thing for everybody, but you… you’re different. There’s something special about you.

Now, I’m going to tie you up. Um, actually, that top you’re wearing is going to ruin the line of the rope. Time for it to come off…

10 Responses

  1. [...] trust me « Sex Geek. Rate this: Share this:FacebookTwitterEmailPrintLike this:LikeBe the first to like this post. This entry was posted in Articles, General and tagged Anal Play, australia, bdsm, bondage, boots, cbt, d&S, discipline, domina, dominant, domination, dungeon, electro, erotic, fetish, fisting, leather, Masochism, Masochist, mistress, pro dom, prodom, Professional, sessions, Sexy Pictures, torture. Bookmark the permalink. [...]

  2. Love it xx

  3. Fantastic!

  4. Seems legit to me.

  5. And how many people do we know who will fail to understand that this is satire?

  6. Sexcellent. What voice!

  7. OMG, this is absolutely brilliant! I’ll have to find a way to tag it on to my post on what do do about a dangerous top who is a community leader, http://kinkylittlegirl.wordpress.com/2011/01/10/what-to-do-about-a-dangerous-top-what-if-they-are-a-community-leader/, because this is *exactly* the kind of thing we often hear out of these types.

    So, satire my left butt cheek. This is all too unfortunately exactly the kind of attitudes we routinely see playing out, and is very much the stuff of which abuse is made.

    It’s funny precisely because it hits so close to the reality – and of course is extremely well-written.

    Beware indeed the person who feels the need to make such announcements, much like the delightful content of this post, especially when they are a “community leader”.

    And go ask the “luminaries” they cite as friends and collaborators what those people *really* think about these “leaders”, even when they do get the names correct. Just because they were willing to add him to their Fetlife friends doesn’t normally mean a thing.

  8. Reblogged this on In a velveteen glove.

  9. Thanks for all the kind comments, everyone. Every time I re-read this post I keep thinking of other things I could add, or better ways to phrase things, and I am tempted to go back and edit. But instead perhaps I’ll throw it out to you: what would you add to this? I’m sure you have lots of ideas!

  10. [...] you have got to run, don’t walk, to read the Sex Geek’s latest post entitled “trust me” [sic], which is an hilarious rant about various ways that some of the so-called more experienced [...]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 677 other followers

%d bloggers like this: