Workshops

If you’d like to take a workshop with me…

Scroll down to see the list of what’s coming up! I update this list frequently, so check back anytime. Alternately, if you’d like to get a monthly newsletter from me with a list of my upcoming workshops, send an e-mail to SexGeekNews-subscribe@yahoogroups.com.

If you’d like to book me for a workshop or speaking engagement…

Feel free to check out the full Workshop Descriptions section a bit further down on this page for the basic list of the stuff I teach. I’ve given over 80 workshops on the practical, theoretical and political aspects of alternative sexuality, and I’m always interested in developing new ones and in finding new places to teach. So if you have something in mind, don’t be shy to ask! Just drop me a line at veryqueer3 at yahoo dot ca. I teach for a range of audiences, from experienced sex radicals to curious novices to people who are not part of these communities at all, but would really like to better understand us and our needs. I especially enjoy speaking for university groups (mmmmgeeks) and giving tailored training sessions for health care providers and other service providers who wish to better serve their queer, kinky or non-monogamous clientele.

Check out my NEW workshops (as of summer 2009): The Logistics of Non-Monogamy, Doing It 24/7: The Basics of Everyday Dominance and Submission, The Dance of D/s: Cultivating Dominant and Submissive Body Language, and Strapping It On!

If you’d like a private consultation with me…

In keeping with my travel schedule, I often make time  for private teaching and coaching sessions for people who prefer to learn one-on-one, as a couple (triad, etc.) or in a small selected group. Private consultations can be skills-based, such as play piercing, fire play, or flogging; or they can be an occasion to hash out the details of your relationships or explorations in kink, non-monogamy or queer sexuality with a sympathetic and experienced community member. I’m not a therapist or counsellor of any kind, but I’m trained as an active listener with six years’ experience as a queer hotline listener (I regularly teach active listening skills). I work on the premise of being non-judgmental, and with the principle that you are best equipped to solve your own problems and my job is to facilitate that process. As well, I have plenty of information and ideas to share as appropriate. Expect brutal honesty and lots of kindness. Confidentiality is 100% respected. Contact me at veryqueer3 at yahoo dot ca to inquire about rates and availabilities.

If you’d like to see my CV…

At the very bottom of this page, I’ve included a selected list of the workshops and speaking engagements I’ve done in the past few years, with a particular focus on the ones that fall outside my “usual” talks. Scroll waaaay down. If you’d like to see my full CV, write to me at veryqueer3 at yahoo dot ca and I’ll send it your way… but I warn ya, it’s very long. You might want to check out my About page to get the shorter version. I’m also happy to provide references as needed, feel free to ask!

Upcoming Workshops and Speaking Engagements

November (Halifax)

• Wednesday, November 4. Play piercing demo at the SheDogs women and trans bathhouse.
• Thursday, November 5, 8:00 p.m. Getting Your Girl (and What to Do with Her Once You’ve Got Her): A Workshop for Women at Venus Envy. Register here.
• Friday, November 6, 8:00 p.m. Flogging with Flair at Venus Envy. Register here.
• Saturday, November 7, 2:00-3:00 p.m. Safer Sex: Getting In Deeper. For the Feel Good Group run by the LGBT Youth Project.
• Saturday, November 7, 7:00 p.m. The Dance of D/s: Cultivating Dominant and Submissive Body Language at Venus Envy. Register here.

November (Montreal)

The following two workshops will be held as part of McGill’s radical sexuality week titled “(re)Doing It! : A Week of Sex (re)Education.”

• Tuesday, November 17, 8:00-10:00 p.m. Take Five: The Art of Vaginal Fisting. McGill campus, SSMU building, Lev Bukhman room.
• Wednesday, November 18, 5:00-7:00 p.m.  10 Rules for Happy Non-Monogamy. McGill campus, SSMU building, room 302.

December (Ottawa)

• Friday, December4, 7:00-9:00 p.m. Partner-to-Partner Communication: A Workshop for LBTTQ Women. For Pink Triangle Services’ “Sweet and Spicy Aphrodite” week of programming for women of sexual and gender minorities. At the Bronson Centre, 211 Bronson St., Rideau Room. Free! Details about the week can be found here.

And in 2010, thus far…

January (Toronto)

• Sunday, January 3, 5:30-7:00 p.m. Strapping It On workshop at Come As You Are. Register here.

March (Ottawa)

• Thursday, March 4, 7:30 p.m. Body Play: Creating Erotic Scenes at Venus Envy. Register here.
• Friday, March 5, 8:30 p.m. Take Five: The Pleasures of Fisting at Venus Envy. Register here.

April (Detroit/Windsor)

• I’ll be giving a keynote address at the 14th annual Leather Leadership Conference. How exciting is that! Theme: “The Journey Continues.” Details TBC.

Workshop Descriptions

The following is a general sampling of the sorts of workshops I teach. I have a wide range of skills and am frequently asked to tailor presentations for specific purposes depending on the presenting organization and target audience—college classes, BDSM conferences, sex toy stores, community groups, professional service providers and more. My style is friendly and interactive, with clearly conveyed information and lots of room for questions from participants.

10 Rules for Happy Non-Monogamy

So you’d like to be romantically involved with more than one person at once? Or maybe you’d just like to sleep with someone other than your one-and-only? Whether you’re considering your first steps into non-monogamy or you’re an old hand looking for a fresh perspective, you’ll find valuable tidbits in this common-sense approach to enjoying love and sex in the plural. This is an interactive workshop with lots of room for beginners and experienced poly folk alike to share their questions and experiences.

Active Listening

Active listening is a technique frequently employed by peer support groups, hotline listening services and other support-oriented groups. It is a highly effective approach to support and listening work that’s centred on guiding a client through their own process in a non-judgemental way. In the full-day workshop, you’ll learn the steps of the active listening approach, get practical tips for applying them, figure out where your own roadblocks lie, and experience numerous guided practice exercises with a peer review process to help you get comfortable with your new skills. In shorter versions of the workshop, you’ll learn the same material and you’ll be assigned practical homework that’s essential for building your skills. NOTE: For this workshop, I draw on my many years’ experience as an active listener and volunteer trainer with Gay Line (Montreal). While the steps remain the same regardless of the population, my training and experience has been in working with queer, trans and otherwise marginalized groups so I am especially well placed to provide training to organizations dealing with a similar clientele.

BDSM 101: Stepping into the Scene

BDSM often starts in the world of fantasy… but how do you make it into a reality? This workshop will explore both the private and public facets of BDSM.

BDSM in the bedroom: We’ll talk about ways to create hot and safe kinky experiences in the bedroom, go over basic communication skills and explore ways to build a sexy scene. Then comes the fun part: learning about the psychological and the physical sensations you can play with! We’ll touch on sensory deprivation, restriction (i.e. bondage), scratching, clamping, temperature play and impact play, and brief demonstrations will be given of a number of techniques.

BDSM at the bar: We’ll discuss how to find your way in the existing BDSM community, and talk about the terms, ideas and practices you might encounter in the BDSM scene. What’s it like to attend (or run) a BDSM event or play party? How do you find a play partner? What does the BDSM scene look like and how can you move through it with grace and confidence?

Kink can become a huge part of your life or an occasional escapade… come and learn how to take the first step!

BDSM 201: Percussive Play and Ask-the-Pervert Q&A

If you’ve attended “Stepping Into the Scene: BDSM 101″ and you’re hungry for more, come have a bite. This is a two-part workshop aimed at people who already have some familiarity with the basics of BDSM but want a place to explore a little deeper. First, we’ll explore the finer points of percussive play, with a wide range of implements for show-and-tell and a series of short demos to illustrate the safe and appropriate way of using them. (By request, we can cover the finer points of bondage instead.) In the second part, we’ll hold an “Ask the Pervert” Q&A session for any and all kink-related questions – both spoken out loud and using an anonymous written format. Come with your curiosity in hand!

Bisexuality: What It Is, What It Isn’t, What It Might Be!

This is an interactive workshop for bisexuals, people curious about bisexuality (their own or others’), and people who aren’t sure how they feel about the whole bisexual thing. What is a bisexual? How do bisexuals manage their relationships? How does the world respond to bisexuals? What kind of concerns might a bi person need to deal with, and what kind of joys can bisexuality bring with it? How can you be supportive of a friend or lover who might be bisexual? What about people who call themselves “queer,” “omnisexual” and “pansexual”? We’ll talk about all of this and more in an atmosphere of respect and openness.

Body Play: Creating Erotic Scenes

What if we were to explore BDSM play… without using a toy bag full of gear? The body itself is an exquisite instrument, and we can all become better players! In this workshop, we’ll talk about ways to tune into your partner during the opening notes of your scenes, look at how different areas of the body hold different emotions, and learn techniques for tapping into those emotions. Then, it’s time to play! We’ll look at fun ways to use your hands, arms, legs, torso, feet, mouth and other body parts to create sensual SM symphonies that can range from gentle to challenging. This is an interactive workshop; you’ll be encouraged to ask questions, share your experiences and contribute your ideas.

NEW! The Dance of D/s: Cultivating Dominant and Submissive Body Language

A dominant / submissive dynamic can be a beautiful thing to experience and to watch. The flow of power between two or more people is a lot like a dance – in fact, specific physical motions and positions can lend D/s much of its flavour and beauty. This class will explore the use of body language to reinforce your dominant/submissive dynamic, focusing on grace, subtlety, confidence and attentiveness for both dominants and submissives. There will be lots of opportunities to try out physical exercises to get you started on developing your own smooth dance of power. Areas we’ll cover include opening doors / walking through, kneeling / receiving kneeling, handing something over to be taken / gracefully taking, assistance with dressing and undressing, walking, sitting, waiting, voice, touch, sex and play. Great for couples and groups; solo participants are welcome.

NEW! Doing It 24/7: The Basics of Everyday Dominance and Submission

Days in service! Nights in bondage! A never-ending stream of erotic titillation! It all sounds pretty exciting, doesn’t it? Well, the reality of 24/7 doesn’t look much like the fantasy… but for those who deeply desire it, 24/7 D/s can be one of the most intimate and rewarding forms of relationship. This workshop covers the basics: figuring out your motivations and values, the mechanics of 24/7 dynamics, communication methods and protocols, typical challenge points, and ways to explore and grow within your dynamic. Expect to go home with plenty of questions to think about later! Appropriate for people considering 24/7 as well as those already in 24/7 relationships.

Flogging With Flair

Floggers look really sexy, but how do you use those things, anyway? Whether you’re turned on by dominance and submission or you simply think you’d like the feeling of administering or receiving a solid sensual beating, flogging might be for you. In this workshop, we’ll take a hands-on approach for beginners: why you might like to flog or be flogged, how to aim a flogger (and all the delicious places to aim at), the many ways to use a flogger, and best of all, what it feels like! We’ll also cover ways to pick a flogger you’ll like, how to care for and store a flogger, and a few interesting tricks and tips help you find your personal style. Bring your own flogger if you have one.

Getting Your Girl (and What to Do with Her Once You’ve Got Her): A Workshop for Women

Ladies, has the idea of playing with women always intrigued you? Are you raring to go, but can’t find the starting line? Don’t worry. Every successful Sapphic seductress started out wet… behind the ears. Whether you’re cruising for sex, SM play or a little of everything, you’ll find a ton of tips and tricks in this informative workshop led by an experienced lover of the ladies. Find out where to go, how to flirt, and what girls really do in bed together. Come prepared with your questions and concerns – this will be an interactive workshop with plenty of time for discussion.

Hole Lotta Lovin’: An Anal Play Workshop (also known as Seducing the Anus)

From the gentlest touch to the deepest penetration, buttholes enjoy it all. But you have to seduce them before they’ll let you in… Come and learn how! We’ll start with the basics of anal play and then slowly, with lots of lube, we’ll work up to fun things you can do with fingers, mouths, toys and more! Along the way we’ll talk about the psychological aspects of anal play as well as covering anatomy, techniques and safety tips, with a focus on maximizing pleasure for all concerned, givers and receivers alike. All genders welcome… after all, everyone’s got an asshole.

NEW! The Logistics of Non-Monogamy

We know that non-monogamy is hot and sweet and wonderful. But sometimes it also comes with some headaches, such as, say… scheduling! Part lecture, part skillshare, part guided discussion, this workshop addresses the question of how to be considerate and efficient and sensitive about your time management in poly situations. We’ll start with some basic concepts – consideration, respect, prioritization, generosity and communication. Then we’ll tackle specific questions such as different relationship structures, living situations and power dynamics. And last, we’ll discuss the three big Ss: scheduling, space and sex. There are no one-size-fits all solutions, but if we all put our heads together, perhaps we’ll come up with some that will work for you!

Loving the T: Sex and Relationships with Trans People

Co-presented with Mitch

You’ve got a crush on a hot, sexy person who just happens to be transgendered. What do you do? In a rigidly binary world we’re often left with more questions than answers when it comes to people who cross the lines of gender or colour outside them. It can be challenging to know how to hit on someone without saying the wrong thing, and even more challenging to navigate the murky waters of having hot, loving sex with a trans person. Come and learn about the basics of transgender issues—what do all the acronyms stand for, how do hormones and surgery work, and what’s the right pronoun to use? Beyond the basics, we’ll talk about how to be a respectful date, a sexy lover and a supportive partner to that gorgeous trans gal or guy who’s caught your fancy. For that matter, come along and learn about trans people whether you’ve had the pleasure of crushing out on one or not!

Making an Impact

If you’re a kinky person who likes to hit or be hit, this is the workshop for you. You’ll discover the three essential aspects of making an impact, get a tour of the wide range of implements you might want to try, and learn about how to hit safely and effectively. Of course we’ll talk about bodies and toys, but most important, we’ll get into the psychology of hitting and discuss how to put together the kinds of impact-play scenes that really work for your particular kinks. Packed with demos and highly interactive, this workshop is guaranteed to give you plenty of exciting ideas for your impact play!

Multiple Players, Multiple Layers

Open any BDSM-101 book and you’ll find all sorts of advice on how to enjoy a satisfying scene with your sweetheart. But what happens when you’ve got more than one sweetheart, or you’d like to try playing with several people at once? The dynamics can become awfully complex, awfully quickly! Whether you’re dealing with a once-in-a-lifetime chance to submit to half a dozen demanding dominants or the ongoing challenges of a multiple-partner kinky relationship, the inherent complexity can be a major challenge… and can also make for one helluva thrilling experience. Come and discover the principles of managing a multiple-player scene, including tips about power dynamics and safety concerns, and enjoy some creative exercises to get your juices flowing. You’ll come out with a long list of ways to satisfy multiple desires!

Safer Sex: Getting In Deeper

Safer sex means use a condom, right? Wrong! Safer sex means a ton of different things depending on your health, your body, your gender, your sexual orientation, the kind of things you like to do in bed and out of it, your identity, your communication skills, your personal kinks, your comfort with and access to safer sex materials, and a host of other factors. Let’s have a discussion about what safer sex means to you and the people you’re having it with (or would like to be!). You’ll come away with tons of tips on how to make your choices safer so that your sex life can be that much hotter.

NEW! Strapping It On

These days, everyone can have a dick of their own – or two, or three! But how do you pick one, and what do you do with it once you’ve got it? Come learn how to choose a cock and harness that best suit your body and your purposes. Then we’ll dive into the nitty-gritty of where you can stick it and how to enjoy it – givers and receivers alike. We’ll cover packing (everyday cock-wearing) as well as playing with a variety of techniques and orifices, with a focus on pleasure and safety.

Take Five: The Pleasures of Fisting

It may seem extreme, but fisting – inserting an entire hand into a welcoming vagina – is in fact one of the most intimate and sensual kinds of penetration two people can enjoy. This workshop covers anatomy, techniques and safety tips, with a focus on maximizing pleasure for all concerned, givers and receivers alike. Anyone who loves vaginas is welcome to come, whether they have one of their own or not.

The Ultimate Thud

What could be more visceral, intimate, thrilling, and hard-hitting than fists meeting flesh? Come and find out how to put some punch into your playing! In this workshop, you’ll learn how to create a scene using punching, slapping, kneeing and kicking techniques. We’ll be covering safety concerns and anatomy, positions and equipment, hitting styles, pacing, warm-up and cool-down, psychological approaches, creative ideas, and more. This workshop is hands-on and interactive. Some knowledge of SM will be helpful but beginners are welcome as well.

Additional workshop topics (descriptions upon request)

• Putting Sex into Words: Erotic Writing
• Polyamory 201: Advanced Topics in Non-Monogamy (tailored to the needs of your group)
• Cunnilingus
• Queer Sex for Straight Folks
• …

Past Workshops and Speaking Engagements

Here’s a sampling of the fun stuff I’ve had the pleasure of teaching over the past few years. Feel free to contact me at veryqueer3 at yahoo dot ca if you’d like a full CV or to ask about tailoring a presentation to your needs.

• “10 Rules for Happy Non-Monogamy” at Colors of Kink, the International Women’s SM Conference (Berlin, April 2009).
• “Hot and Sharp: Fire Play and Needle Play,” a double-whammy practical workshop for FAKE, the McGill University Fetish and Kink Enthusiasts group (Montreal, November 2008).
• “The Ethics of Sadomasochism,” a lecture for Daniel Cere’s Sexual Ethics class in the Religious Studies department at McGill University (Montreal, October 2008 and March 2009).
• “Feminist Activism in the Queer and BDSM Communities,” a lecture for Marymay Downing’s Feminist Activism class at Ottawa U (Ottawa, October 2008).
• “Plural Perspectives,” keynote address at PolyCamp (Shelburne, ON, August 2008).
• Hands-on BDSM play demo at SheDogs, the Halifax women and trans bathhouse (Halifax, July 2008).
• “Lighting the Fire: BDSM and Abuse,” a co-presentation with Ariel of The Network/La Red, a Boston-based domestic violence prevention organization, at International Ms. Leather (San Francisco, May 2008) and Mr. Leather Toronto (Toronto, November 2008).
• “(Un)Common Ground: Intersections of Poly, Kinky and Queer,” a co-presentation with Pepper Mint, given (solo) at the inaugural University of Toronto Sexual Diversity Studies Student Union conference “Fetish: Working Out the Kinks” (Toronto, March 2008), and (with Pepper) at the 12th Leather Leadership Conference and at the Center for Sex and Culture (both in San Francisco, April 2008).
• “Take Five: the Pleasures of Fisting” at Good For Her (Toronto, March 2008).
• BDSM and Non-Monogamy awareness workshops for mental health practitioners and general healthcare staff at the Sherbourne Health Centre (Toronto, February 2008).
• “Pleasures and Politics: Women of Leather,” a seminar on leatherdyke community and organizing BDSM events for women and trans people, with Jacqueline St-Urbain at Mr. Leatherman Toronto (Toronto, November 2007).
• Panel speaker at McGill University’s “Pride and Prejudice” panel on queerness and discrimination (Montreal, October 2007).
• “Active Listening for Peer Counsellors” 6-hour training at Concordia University’s 2110 Centre for Gender Advocacy (Montreal, October 2005, 2006 and 2007).
• “Getting Your Girl… And What to Do With Her Once You’ve Got Her” workshop at Censored Festival (Montreal, August 2007).
• “Hands-On Play” SM technique workshop at Breathless (Ottawa, June 2007).
• “Love and Sex in the Plural” polyamory workshop at Venus Envy (Ottawa, June 2007) and at Come As You Are (Toronto, September 2007).
• Guest lecturer on Sexual Diversity for the women’s studies class “Alternatives for Women” run by Arlene Steiger, CEGEP Vanier College (Montreal, April 2007).
• Panel speaker on women’s involvement in GLBT community organizations – recruitment, retention, motivation – for the Colloque sur la visibilité lesbienne (Montreal, March 2007).
• Presentations and Q&As – “BDSM and Fetish Sexuality” and “Bisexuality and Queer Gender” – for professionals at SAR weekend (Sexuality Attitudes Reassessment), facilitated by Stephanie Mitelman of www.sexpressions.ca through Concordia University (Montreal, BDSM in September 2005, Bisexuality in September 2006 and November 2007).
• “Bisexuality and BDSM” workshop, co-presented with Pepper Mint at the 9th International Conference on Bisexuality (Toronto, June 2006).
• Member of the international “Ask Aunts Poly and the Amory Uncles” polyamory panel at the 9th International Conference on Bisexuality (Toronto, June 2006).
• “Body Play 101 and 201” workshops at the TO Kink conference (Toronto, April 2006).
• Bisexuality contributor for the Women and Sexual Diversity panel, CEGEP Vanier College (Montreal, March 2006 and March 2007).
• “Active Listening for LGBT Students” workshop for faculty and staff at CEGEP Vanier College (Montreal, November 2005, March 2006, November 2006).
• “Bisexuality: What It Is, What It Isn’t, What It Might Be!” workshop and discussion at Venus Envy (Ottawa, October 2005, April 2006, January 2007).
• Contributing facilitator for 30-hour training session for new Gay Line volunteers, as well as “Bisexuality 101” and “BDSM 101″ sessions (Montreal, annually or bi-annually from 2001-2008).
• “SM 101” workshop for TV show “Une Chance qu’on s’aime,” filmed August 2004 in Montreal and aired September 2004 on Canal Vie.
• “Beyond Oppression: New Strategies, Values and Visions for a Dynamic Queer Society” – workshop on intersectionality within queer organizations, with Benji Pereira, EGALE Rainbow Visions Conference (Montreal, May 2003).