Over the past ten years, I’ve given hundreds of workshops on the practical, theoretical and political aspects of alternative sexuality. I teach for a range of audiences, from experienced sex radicals to curious novices to people who are not part of these communities at all, but would really like to better understand us and our needs. I especially enjoy speaking for university groups (mmmmgeeks) and giving tailored training sessions for health care providers and other service providers who wish to better serve their queer, kinky or non-monogamous clientele. I’m always interested in developing new workshops and in finding new places to teach. So if you have something in mind, don’t be shy to ask! Just drop me a line at veryqueer3 at yahoo dot ca.
Scroll down for my full workshop list, including descriptions of each class. If you’d like to see where I’ve taught in the past, and a sampling of the custom-tailored presentations I’ve given, check out my teaching CV here.
The following is the basic list of the workshops I teach – 31 and counting! My style is friendly and interactive, with clearly conveyed information, practical exercises, and lots of room for questions and discussion.
I’m happy to consult with you to determine what workshops might be a good fit for your event, and how to program them to maximize attendance.
I am frequently asked to tailor presentations for specific purposes depending on the presenting organization and target audience—college classes, BDSM conferences, sex toy stores, community groups, professional service providers and more. So if you don’t see your specific topic here, drop me a line at veryqueer3 at yahoo dot ca and let’s talk!
Scroll down past the list for class descriptions.
Non-Monogamy and Relationship Skills
- 10 Rules for Happy Non-Monogamy *My most popular workshop ever… taught all over the world!*
- Active Listening
- NEW! Lessons in Non-Monogamy: What Have We Figured Out So Far?
- The Logistics of Non-Monogamy
- Non-Monogamy for Queer Gals
- Power in the Plural: D/s and Non-Monogamy
Dominance and Submission
- NEW! The Art of Receiving Service
- The Dance of D/s: Cultivating Dominant and Submissive Body Language
- NEW! Discernment in D/s: Pushing, Pausing, Pulling Back
- Doing It 24/7: The Basics of Everyday Dominance and Submission
- Listen Up! Listening Skills for D/s Dynamics
- Power in the Plural: D/s and Non-Monogamy
- BDSM 101: Kink Basics
- BDSM 201: Edge Play and Power Relationships
- Finding Your Feet: Foot and Footwear Play
- Flogging With Flair
- Hot and Sharp: Playing with Fire and Needles
- Making an Impact
- NEW! Metal Meets Skin: The Basics of Play Piercing
- Multiple Players, Multiple Layers
- Playing the Body: Creating Erotic Scenes
- The Ultimate Thud
- Stepping into the Scene: Navigating Kinky Sex Communities
- The Thinking Kinkster (Or, Knowledge Is Power)
- Buttsex for Beginners: An Anal Play Workshop
- Dyke Sex Tips for Men (Or, Be a Better Lady Lover in 9 Easy Lessons)
- Strapping It On
- Take Five: The Pleasures of Fisting
- You Gotta Lick It: Cunnilingus for the Enthusiastic and the Hesitant
We’re Here, We’re Queer!
- Bisexuality: What It Is, What It Isn’t, What It Might Be!
- Getting Your Girl (and What to Do with Her Once You’ve Got Her): A Workshop for Women
- Loving the T: Sex and Relationships with Trans People
The following descriptions are listed alphabetically by title, irrespective of category.
10 Rules for Happy Non-Monogamy
So you’d like to be romantically involved with more than one person at once? Or maybe you’d just like to sleep with someone other than your one-and-only? Whether you’re considering your first steps into non-monogamy or you’re an old hand looking for a fresh perspective, you’ll find valuable tidbits in this common-sense approach to enjoying love and sex in the plural. This is an interactive workshop with lots of room for beginners and experienced poly folk alike to share their questions and experiences.
Active listening is a technique frequently employed by peer support groups, hotline listening services and other support-oriented groups. It is a highly effective approach to support and listening work that’s centred on guiding a client through their own process in a non-judgemental way. In the full-day workshop, you’ll learn the steps of the active listening approach, get practical tips for applying them, figure out where your own roadblocks lie, and experience numerous guided practice exercises with a peer review process to help you get comfortable with your new skills. In shorter versions of the workshop, you’ll learn the same material and you’ll be assigned practical homework that’s essential for building your skills. NOTE: For this workshop, I draw on my many years’ experience as an active listener and volunteer trainer with Gay Line (Montreal). While the steps remain the same regardless of the population, my training and experience has been in working with queer, trans and otherwise marginalized groups so I am especially well placed to provide training to organizations dealing with a similar clientele.
NEW! The Art of Receiving Service
Some delightful creature wants to polish your boots, clean your house and make you a home-cooked meal every night… without charging a cent! Sounds amazing, doesn’t it? Well, it is. But if you’re one of those lucky souls who has inspired the devoted attention of a service-oriented individual, you may have noticed that being on the receiving end requires its own kind of work, and comes with a very particular set of challenges. This workshop will help you get a handle on those challenges—from the inner work of vulnerability, trust and self-knowledge to the practical tasks of developing management skill, protocol and consensual entitlement. Come learn how to cultivate a profound, mutually rewarding relationship between server and served. BDSM experience not required.
BDSM 101: Kink Basics
BDSM often starts in the world of fantasy… but how do you make it into a reality? This workshop will explore the basics of healthy, happy, consensual BDSM. We’ll talk about ways to create hot and safe kinky experiences, go over basic communication skills and explore ways to build a sexy scene. Then comes the fun part: learning about the psychological and the physical sensations you can play with! We’ll touch on sensory deprivation, restriction (i.e. bondage), scratching, clamping, temperature play and impact play, and brief demonstrations will be given of a number of techniques. Kink can become a huge part of your life or an occasional escapade… come and learn how to take the first step!
BDSM 201: Edge Play and Power Relationships
If you’ve attended “BDSM 101: Kink Basics” and you’re hungry for more, come have a bite. This is a two-part workshop aimed at people who already have some familiarity with the basics of BDSM but want a place to explore a little deeper. First, we’ll explore the allure of edge play – the kinds of physical and psychological play that get hearts pounding and go a bit outside the norm, even for perverts. In the second part, we’ll cover the fundamentals of dominant/submissive relationships. There will be lots of time for questions and discussion as we ease into a new level of kinky exploration.
Bisexuality: What It Is, What It Isn’t, What It Might Be!
This is an interactive workshop for bisexuals, people curious about bisexuality (their own or others’), and people who aren’t sure how they feel about the whole bisexual thing. What is a bisexual? How do bisexuals manage their relationships? How does the world respond to bisexuals? What kind of concerns might a bi person need to deal with, and what kind of joys can bisexuality bring with it? How can you be supportive of a friend or lover who might be bisexual? What about people who call themselves “queer,” “omnisexual” and “pansexual”? We’ll talk about all of this and more in an atmosphere of respect and openness.
Buttsex for Beginners: An Anal Play Workshop
From the gentlest touch to the deepest penetration, buttholes enjoy it all. But you have to seduce them before they’ll let you in… Come and learn how! We’ll start with the basics of anal play and then slowly, with lots of lube, we’ll work up to fun things you can do with fingers, mouths, toys and more! Along the way we’ll talk about the psychological aspects of anal play as well as covering anatomy, techniques and safety tips, with a focus on maximizing pleasure for all concerned, givers and receivers alike. All genders welcome… after all, everyone’s got an asshole.
The Dance of D/s: Cultivating Dominant and Submissive Body Language
A dominant / submissive dynamic can be a beautiful thing to experience and to watch. The flow of power between two or more people is a lot like a dance – in fact, specific physical motions and positions can lend D/s much of its flavour and beauty. This class will explore the use of body language and protocol to reinforce your dominant/submissive dynamic, focusing on grace, subtlety, confidence and attentiveness for both dominants and submissives. There will be lots of ideas to get you started on developing your own smooth dance of power. Areas we’ll cover include opening doors / walking through, kneeling / receiving kneeling, handing something over to be taken / gracefully taking, assistance with dressing and undressing, walking, sitting, waiting, voice, touch, sex and play. Great for couples and groups; solo participants are welcome.
NEW! Discernment in D/s: Pushing, Pausing, Pulling Back
In ongoing D/s and M/s relationships, as dominants we often encounter situations where we are faced with the choice between three types of approaches. One is to push—push ourselves, push our submissives, apply force, exert control. Another is to pause, to wait and see; to listen, assess, but not move either forward or back. To allow time, allow things to occur. A third is to pull back our investment, change direction, back away from a goal we had previously set, stop doing something we have been doing, possibly even end a dynamic. Stereotypically dominants are understood to default to a “push” response, but realistically each of us may find one of these three approaches to be easier, given our emotional temperament and personal value system. How do we know which approach is right at what time? How do we discern? What have we learned from past mistakes, and how can we grow from our success stories? This workshop is part lecture, part facilitated discussion, part personal reflection. You’re invited to bring both your questions and the richness of your experience to the conversation.
Doing It 24/7: The Basics of Everyday Dominance and Submission
Days in service! Nights in bondage! A never-ending stream of erotic titillation! It all sounds pretty exciting, doesn’t it? Well, the reality of 24/7 doesn’t look much like the fantasy… but for those who deeply desire it, 24/7 D/s can be one of the most intimate and rewarding forms of relationship. This workshop covers the basics: figuring out your motivations and values, the mechanics of 24/7 dynamics, communication methods and protocols, typical challenge points, and ways to explore and grow within your dynamic. Expect to go home with plenty of questions to think about later! Appropriate for people considering 24/7 as well as those already in 24/7 relationships.
Dyke Sex Tips for Men (or, Be a Better Lady Lover in 9 Easy Lessons)
Guys, have you ever wondered how to truly please a gal in bed? Now’s your chance to find out from an experienced lover of the ladies who has true insider knowledge, since she’s a lady herself! We’ll start with some nitty-gritty anatomy lessons and move on to discuss sex techniques galore. But most of all, you’ll learn how to think in new ways about sex, seduction and pleasure. Bring your questions—you can even ask them anonymously if you’re feeling shy. Bonus: Each of the nine lessons comes with handy homework ideas in case you want to extend the fun. (This workshop is trans-inclusive and is intended for men of any orientation who have sex with women—or who want to start!)
Finding Your Feet: Foot and Footwear Play
The graceful arch of a beautifully pedicured foot… the solid weight of an engineer boot on a chest… the dangerous curve of a high-heeled shoe… the scent of leather and polish… the sensual thrill of a tongue sliding along a toe… If any of these images get your motor going, this is the workshop for you! Feet and footwear are classic cornerstones of kink, and the range of pedi-pervy practices and proclivities is remarkably wide. In this workshop we’ll talk about power, pleasure, pain, fetishism, sex, service and more—all of it focused below the knees. Come share stories, ask questions and see some sexy demos. Assumptions will be creatively challenged and new avenues enthusiastically explored. Expect to come out with lots of exciting ideas for enhancing your play—whether you want to dip your toe in or jump in with both feet!
Flogging with Flair
Floggers look really sexy, but how do you use those things, anyway? Whether you’re turned on by dominance and submission or you simply think you’d like the feeling of administering or receiving a solid sensual beating, flogging might be for you. In this workshop, we’ll take a hands-on approach for beginners: why you might like to flog or be flogged, how to aim a flogger (and all the delicious places to aim at), the many ways to use a flogger, and best of all, what it feels like! We’ll also cover ways to pick a flogger you’ll like, how to care for and store a flogger, and a few interesting tricks and tips help you find your personal style. Bring your own flogger if you have one.
Getting Your Girl (and What to Do with Her Once You’ve Got Her): A Workshop for Women
Ladies, has the idea of playing with women always intrigued you? Are you raring to go, but can’t find the starting line? Don’t worry. Every successful Sapphic seductress started out wet… behind the ears. Whether you’re cruising for sex, SM play or a little of everything, you’ll find a ton of tips and tricks in this informative workshop led by an experienced lover of the ladies. Find out where to go, how to flirt, and what girls really do in bed together. Come prepared with your questions and concerns – this will be an interactive workshop with plenty of time for discussion.
Hot and Sharp: Playing with Fire and Needles
Fire play and needle play are two kinks that smack of danger… which means that to some of us, they’re extra-sexy. In this two-part workshop, you’ll find out how to play with the high of risk-taking while keeping real danger to a minimum. We’ll go over the full range of basic safety concerns and set out all the equipment you need. We’ll also discuss scene planning, emergency care, and why this stuff is so appealing in the first place! Demos will be provided and you’ll get to try out both types of play under supervision. Fire and needles are not as scary as you think… except when they are. NOTE: These topics are available as separate workshops too!
NEW! Lessons in Non-Monogamy: What Have We Figured Out So Far?
These days, there’s a ton of non-monogamy 101 information out in the world—you can read up in lots of places about the basics of opening up an existing relationship, navigating the first pangs of jealousy, and figuring out how to colour-code your calendar. But when you’ve been doing non-monogamy for a while, you may have hit upon some challenges they don’t cover in the intro manuals. Relationships shift and end, configurations take on new shapes and sizes, living situations evolve, sexual desire waxes and wanes, new people show up in the mix. In navigating your own poly waters, what mistakes have you made along the way? What would you do differently if you could start over? What lessons have you learned? What wisdom can you share? Where do you need to challenge yourself to grow some more? What support do you need going forward? Come enjoy some thought-provoking exercises and facilitated discussion to assess where you’re at and get some ideas of where to go next. Newbies are welcome, but the discussion will be geared to those who have a couple years’ experience under their belts.
Listen Up! Listening Skills for D/s Dynamics
Have you ever wished you could see straight into your submissive’s soul, and know what makes them tick? Have you ever desired to know exactly how best to please your dominant? Strong communication is the key to harmony in any relationship. That’s no less true for those of us who are drawn to the complexities and delights of power-based relationships, whether ongoing or occasional. And yet, despite the intensity and focus they can involve, sometimes our D/s or M/s dynamics can themselves add a layer of difficulty to the already challenging dance of human interaction.
In part 1 of this workshop, we’ll set some foundations by going over ten basic principles for healthy D/s and M/s relationships. (These principles are tuned to the particularities of 24/7, but their essence is broadly applicable to all sorts of power-based arrangements.) From there, we’ll discuss the unique challenges of communication within these relationships, and come up with ways in which the relationship structures can also be used to support strong communication.
In part 2, you’ll learn about a classic listening process (active listening) and how to adapt it to the realities of D/s. From there we’ll dive into practice in small groups. This dynamic workshop is highly participatory, extremely practical, and surprisingly challenging! You’re guaranteed to come out with fresh insights and new skills to help deepen the intimacy and strengthen the bonds of your D/s—whether you’re currently in such a relationship or brushing up for a future one. (Existing D/s pairs or groups are warmly welcomed, but there is no need to attend with a partner.)
The Logistics of Non-Monogamy
We know that non-monogamy is hot and sweet and wonderful. But sometimes it also comes with some headaches, such as, say… scheduling! Part lecture, part skillshare, part guided discussion, this workshop addresses the question of how to be considerate and efficient and sensitive about your time management in poly situations. We’ll start with some basic concepts – consideration, respect, prioritization, generosity and communication. Then we’ll tackle specific questions such as different relationship structures, living situations and power dynamics. And last, we’ll discuss the three big Ss: scheduling, space and sex. There are no one-size-fits all solutions, but if we all put our heads together, perhaps we’ll come up with some that will work for you!
Loving the T: Sex and Relationships with Trans People (co-presented with Mitch)
You’ve got a crush on a hot, sexy person who just happens to be transgendered. What do you do? In a rigidly binary world we’re often left with more questions than answers when it comes to people who cross the lines of gender or colour outside them. It can be challenging to know how to hit on someone without saying the wrong thing, and even more challenging to navigate the murky waters of having hot, loving sex with a trans person. Come and learn about the basics of transgender issues—what do all the acronyms stand for, how do hormones and surgery work, and what’s the right pronoun to use? Beyond the basics, we’ll talk about how to be a respectful date, a sexy lover and a supportive partner to that gorgeous trans gal or guy who’s caught your fancy. For that matter, come along and learn about trans people whether you’ve had the pleasure of crushing out on one or not!
Making an Impact
If you’re a kinky person who likes to hit or be hit, this is the workshop for you. You’ll discover the three essential aspects of making an impact, get a tour of the wide range of implements you might want to try, and learn about how to hit safely and effectively. Of course we’ll talk about bodies and toys, but most important, we’ll get into the psychology of hitting and discuss how to put together the kinds of impact-play scenes that really work for your particular kinks. Packed with demos and highly interactive, this workshop is guaranteed to give you plenty of exciting ideas for your impact play!
NEW! Metal Meets Skin: The Basics of Play Piercing
A heart beating fast in anticipation, laced with a tinge of fear. Cool alcohol on warm flesh. A brief sharp sensation, and another. Slim metal has pierced skin, and everything changes.
Needle play is seen as edgy, and with good reason. It breaks the protective membrane that separates us from the world around us. But if you’re well informed, you can minimize the risk and maximize the pleasure! In this workshop, we’ll go over the full range of basic safety concerns and set out all the equipment you need. We’ll also discuss scene planning, emergency care, and why piercing play is so appealing in the first place! Demos will be provided and you’ll get to try out some piercing under supervision on an eggplant and, if time permits, on yourself or a trusting friend.
Multiple Players, Multiple Layers
Open any BDSM-101 book and you’ll find all sorts of advice on how to enjoy a satisfying scene with your sweetheart. But what happens when you’ve got more than one sweetheart, or you’d like to try playing with several people at once? The dynamics can become awfully complex, awfully quickly! Whether you’re dealing with a once-in-a-lifetime chance to submit to half a dozen demanding dominants or the ongoing challenges of a multiple-partner kinky relationship, the inherent complexity can be a major challenge… and can also make for one helluva thrilling experience. Come and discover the principles of managing a multiple-player scene, including tips about power dynamics and safety concerns, and enjoy some creative exercises to get your juices flowing. You’ll come out with a long list of ways to satisfy multiple desires!
Non-Monogamy for Queer Gals
It’s always a challenge to make the leap into the wide world of non-monogamous relationships, but that challenge takes on special dimensions when you’re a queer woman. How do we navigate sometimes too-small queer communities when we’re non-monogamous? How do we find our way in a queer culture that gives us conflicting messages about marriage and monogamy versus radical sex-positivity and sexual adventurousness? What are some common pitfalls of non-monogamous relationships, and how can we avoid them? And just how many times do we have to come out about one more thing that makes us different from the norm, anyway? This will be a discussion-based workshop with plenty of
opportunities to share your own stories, questions, tips and tricks. Special bonus: we’ll approach the topic from a non-judgmental perspective, with no monogamy-bashing and with lots of emphasis on joy, love, respect, pleasure and choice.
Playing the Body: Creating Erotic Scenes
What if we were to explore BDSM play… without using a toy bag full of gear? The body itself is an exquisite instrument, and we can all become better players! In this workshop, we’ll talk about ways to tune into your partner during the opening notes of your scenes, look at how different areas of the body hold different emotions, and learn techniques for tapping into those emotions. Then, it’s time to play! We’ll look at fun ways to use your hands, arms, legs, torso, feet, mouth and other body parts to create sensual SM symphonies that can range from gentle to challenging. This is an interactive workshop; you’ll be encouraged to ask questions, share your experiences and contribute your ideas.
Power in the Plural: D/s and Non-Monogamy
Not only are you interested in consensual power exchange, but now you wanna do it with more than one person at once? Just how much of a masochist are you? Okay, all kidding aside, dominant/submissive relationships and non-monogamy can both be avenues for intense intimate connection, amazing sex, and deep self-awareness. And both have plenty of potential for disaster—uh, that is, personal growth opportunities—along the way. Let’s talk about what happens when you put the two together and stir. This won’t be group therapy, but we’ll definitely tailor the discussion to the needs of the people who show up, so come prepared to share.
Stepping Into the Scene: Navigating Kinky Sex Communities
Some BDSM 101 workshops teach the basics of kinky play. But let’s say you know whether you’re a top or a bottom (or both!), you’ve figured out which end of the flogger is which, and you get why it’s best to use leather or cloth restraints instead of handcuffs. Now, you want to explore the wide, and sometimes bewildering, world of the public BDSM scene. Where do you start? What does the BDSM scene look like and how can you move through it with grace and confidence?
We’ll go over questions such as…
- What BDSM events and activities are going on out there?
- Where do you fit into the existing public scene… and what if you don’t?
- What’s it like to attend a play party?
- What are the rules of scene etiquette… and most especially, what are the unspoken ones?
- How do you approach someone you’d like to play with?
- What’s the wisest approach for exploring new play skills in a public setting?
- What pitfalls should you watch out for as you find your way in a new community?
We’ll tailor the discussion to the topics that are most relevant to YOU… so come prepared with your questions! You’ll have the opportunity to ask them out loud, but also to write them down anonymously if you’re shy.
Strapping It On
These days, everyone can have a dick of their own – or two, or three! But how do you pick one, and what do you do with it once you’ve got it? Come learn how to choose a cock and harness that best suit your body and your purposes. Then we’ll dive into the nitty-gritty of where you can stick it and how to enjoy it – givers and receivers alike. We’ll cover packing (everyday cock-wearing) as well as playing with a variety of techniques and orifices, with a focus on pleasure and safety.
Take Five: The Pleasures of Fisting
It may seem extreme, but fisting – inserting an entire hand into a welcoming vagina – is in fact one of the most intimate and sensual kinds of penetration two people can enjoy. This workshop covers anatomy, techniques and safety tips, with a focus on maximizing pleasure for all concerned, givers and receivers alike. Anyone who loves vaginas is welcome to come, whether they have one of their own or not.
The Thinking Kinkster (Or, Knowledge Is Power)
Every year, new knowledge about BDSM and kink is produced and put out into the world. That knowledge comes from a wide range of sources—academia, pop culture and our communities themselves. But what exactly is being said, and how does it impact us as leatherfolk? This interactive workshop aims to engage people in thinking critically, from a practitioner perspective, about the information that’s being created about us and what it is that we do. It also aims to provide some examples of how to encourage your local communities to think about their kink—from BDSM-focused book clubs to film nights to DIY university-style classes and more. Come share your ideas!
The Ultimate Thud
What could be more visceral, intimate, thrilling, and hard-hitting than fists meeting flesh? Come and find out how to put some punch into your playing! In this workshop, you’ll learn how to create a scene using punching, slapping, kneeing and kicking techniques. We’ll be covering safety concerns and anatomy, positions and equipment, hitting styles, pacing, warm-up and cool-down, psychological approaches, creative ideas, and more. This workshop is hands-on and interactive. Some knowledge of SM will be helpful but beginners are welcome as well.
You Gotta Lick It: Cunnilingus for the Enthusiastic and the Hesitant
The art of orally pleasuring women, and other sexy individuals with similarly configured genitals, is equal parts skill, mindset and intuition. Brush up on your basic (and more than basic!) anatomy, learn how to think like a consummate cunnlinguist, and then let’s talk technique! From safer sex to squirting and from tongue piercings to toe-lingus, we’ll cover the full spectrum of licking-related lore, with plenty of fun anecdotes and even some informal survey results to spice up the session. Guaranteed to boost your confidence, build your repertoire and banish your fears.