and so it ends… and begins

It’s January 1st. Have you got any great resolutions for this year?

I didn’t think so.

Don’t worry, me either. But that may be because I’m too tuckered out to think much further ahead than my next sentence, let alone a full year. My sweetheart and I have spent the last two days packing up the contents of my entire apartment, and today, four wonderful and generous friends showed up to help us finish up the packing and schlep it all into a rental truck… in the middle of a blizzard. I loooove Montreal, yes I do! I will perenially make fun of Torontonians for calling in the army to deal with a paltry few inches of snow, but in my heart of hearts, I can’t say it’ll kill me to live somewhere that’s a little less excessive in the wintertime precipitation department. I’m just glad nobody slipped and broke their arm on my lovely curved outdoor staircase, also typically Montreal – do not ask me how it is that nobody figured out the design wasn’t the most brilliant one in this kind of climate!

So now here I am, sitting in my otherwise empty office in my almost completely empty apartment. It feels really strange to walk through huge, echoing rooms and think about all that’s taken place here in the six years I’ve been living here. Two major relationships come and gone. Bookshelves multiplied as my collection grew… and grew… and grew. Dozens of play parties, book club meetings, potlucks, workshops, swap meets – you name it, I’ve hosted it. This place has been filled to cracking on more occasions than I can count. Many people have met here for the first time; lots of people have had sex here, some of them for the first time too (with one another at least, I’m not aware of any devirginizations). These walls have heard the sounds of floggers slapping against skin, of moans and yelps and the occasional delicious scream; the soft swish of brush against boot; the rise and fall of good conversation. This place has been home to me for a long time now, and I will miss it.

But times are changing. After a decade of living with roommates – mostly excellent people, with a few complete deadbeats thrown in for flavour – I’m taking the leap into domestic bliss with my beautiful boi, M. We insist we’re not U-Haul lesbians because neither of us are lesbians and we’ve rented from Budget, but we’ve taken our fair share of ribbing. (Y’all are just jealous ’cause he’s so damn cute.) It’ll be a whole new adventure to live in a new apartment in a new city, especially since we’re really quite a poly couple – both of us have been non-monogamous for many years, but sharing a home with a partner has never been part of the poly equation for either of us. You’ll surely hear about the various things I learn along the way, and I expect there tobe many.
Change is in the air in more ways than that, though. I came out to my parents about eight years ago, and they’ve steadfastly refused to talk about it or acknowledge it in any way since then… until last week, when my mom started a conversation with me that I never thought would happen. Three hours later, we’d covered the basics of queer, trans, BDSM, poly, safer sex, family, kids… the works. Lots of tears and hugging – and a potential fresh start for us. Who’da guessed? We may progress at a snail’s pace from here, but hey, some movement is better than a complete standstill. I’m finding myself having to consider what it might be like to actually have a relationship with my mother, as opposed to feeling sad and resigned that it would simply never happen. So you may be in for further musings on such things as the parental coming-out process, notions of family, thoughts on how to educate someone who loves you (as opposed to strangers in a crowd – vastly easier in my experience) and so forth.

And here I am, saying goodbye to the city that’s been my home for 20 years and greeting the New Year in a fresh new place that promises adventure aplenty, learning opportunities galore, and scads of fascinating people whose brains I’ll surely have the pleasure of picking. So what’s the first thing I’m gonna do when I get there, after painting the walls and organizing my bookshelves?

… Well, come visit Montreal, of course. And then head down to Boston for the Fetish Flea, which promises dozens of mouthwatering kink workshops, and then come back to Montreal, and then head off to visit my other boi, L, in small-town Ontario for another couple of days. (“Other” sounds so dismissive though… I must find a better way to differentiate in writing.) And somewhere in there, prepare a workshop proposal with Pepper for the Leather Leadership Conference, which takes place April 11-13 in San Francisco, and look into attending and possibly presenting at International Ms. Leather, which takes place three weeks later in the same city (May 1-4). And start to think about what sort of trouble I can get into out there during that three-week interim, starting perhaps with Midori’s Bang 4 The Buck women and trans play party on April 25 at the Citadel.

And while I’m in the planning stage, I should get to work on my master’s application (I’m hoping to start in the fall of 2009, but these deadlines seriously creep up on ya), and find out where I can buy one of those gorgeous handmade cunt puppets for use as a teaching aid for my fisting workshop in March. (Hot damn, the things I get to write off in this line of work never fail to make me grin. Anyone have a lead on those, drop me a line, please!) Though in the midst of all this travelling around, I certainly need to make sure I’m actually in my new hometown for the Toronto Erotic Arts Festival from February 5-10. So… plus ça change…
And – eeek! – I almost forgot! Speaking of future plans and sexy stuff, I have to write up my sex predictions for 2008 so that the lovely gals at Audio Smut Radio (CKUT 90.3 FM) can read it on air tomorrow night(January 2nd) . Tune in sometime between 6 and 7 p.m. for that and a bunch of other treats they have in store for you. I’ll be unloading a moving van in Hogtown right about then.

Right then. Must get on that – otherwise I’ll be completely out of brain juice and have nothing interesting to say. I wish you all the best for 2008. May the white dove of fortune alight upon your head. And may you get laid exactly as much as you want to, and enjoy every single minute of it. I certainly plan to.


9 thoughts on “and so it ends… and begins

  1. Hell yeah, I got resolutions! Start T by the end of the year, come out to my mom, start a PhD programme in anthro and find an art therapist for my son. Oh, and as previously mentioned . . .. more sex parties!!!

    About relating to your mom: I’m glad you had that experience. My relationship with my mom was hellish for a long time. Last xmas we made a tourtière together and got completely plastered. We had a 5 hour talk in the middle of the night and everything has been much easier now. Things CAN change.

    Best of luck in TO and see you real soon!

  2. Looking forward to spending some geek time in Toronto, once you’re settled and I’m around. Hope the move went well, and talk soon…

  3. Meant to come help load the truck. It was minimum visibility (fog + snow) on the south shore. Made for a good day to be a lazy bum though.

    Good on mom.🙂

  4. I crashed out (as I have already told you over Scrabulous) but still feel bad for not making it to help pack. At least I got to see you at C’s party.

    You are going to be at the Flea!! Dammit, I have no money and so have no ride, or hotel room or anything. I didn’t feel right registering when I have no income. Unemployment sucks. I’d love to see you there, though. (And others, many I know are going.)

    *sigh*

    Maybe some miracle will happen. (I’d ask you to drop by, but it really isn’t as close as one would like to make that a reasonable request.)

  5. New year, new commenter from the other side of the big ocean. Hi.🙂 I started reading your blog a short while ago and certainly will continue coming over here.

    I only know the online source of the vulva puppets, maybe that’s helpful? http://www.houseochicks.com

    By the way, the “other” boi (partner, lover, playmate…) doesn’t sound dismissive to me. If you were talking about siblings or colleagues or anyone else you had more than one of in your life, wouldn’t you say “other”, too?
    For a way to differentiate between two of a kind in writing and avoiding “other”, why not use initials or pseudonyms?

  6. Wow, I’ve been more or less offline since I wrote this post and check it out – so many friendly comments!

    JV: Great resolutions, and thanks for the encouraging story.
    JPR: See you soon for sure!
    J: Oooh, snail mail! How exciting! And thanks for the puppet link, that rocks.
    M: Lazy bum, cute bum… it all works for me. No apologies necessary, it went super fast with many hands helping out.
    V: The Flea will certainly rock. I will see you there if you make it, and tantalize you with an exquisitely geeky report afterwards if you don’t.
    E: Nice to meet you! Yeah, I generally do use initials in my posts, it’s just the “other” thing that bugged me. But you’re right, it’s not so bad. I think from now on they will simply be boi M and boi L. And thanks for the puppet link as well – clearly House O Chicks has an international fan base! Now, to place a custom order *without* the gag-inducing flowers at the urethra… (Why, oh why, must people fall into the floral metaphors when it comes to girl parts?!)

    Happy new year to all, and to all a good night! I’ll post again tomorrow when I’ve had some sleep…

  7. I wanted to comment on this, nearly 8 months later, to say that my resolution for 2008 was “to have more fun”. And you know what? It worked. Really, really well🙂

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