About

Hi! I’m Andrea Zanin, and this is my blog. I started blogging about sex, gender, kink, non-monogamy and all kinds of related politics in February of 2005, and I’ve been at it ever since (WordPress archives date back to 2007).

Bio

Andrea Zanin, a.k.a. Sex Geek, has been teaching about queer sexuality, non-monogamy and BDSM/leather internationally for over a decade, and she endeavours to bring an awareness of privilege and oppression to all her work. Andrea is pursuing a PhD in women’s studies at York University with a focus on Canadian leatherdyke history. She writes a monthly sex column called “Ask the Sex Geek” for In Magazine and blogs at http://sexgeek.wordpress.com. Her erotic short stories and essays on sex and SM have been published in numerous anthologies. Andrea co-organizes the annual Canadian leatherdyke weekend An Unholy Harvest, runs a pervy book club called The Leather Bindings Society and judges the occasional leather contest. She lives in Toronto and enjoys cultivating M/s relationships with exceptionally high-quality individuals, eating fine dark chocolate and wearing really nice shoes. Find her on Twitter at @sexgeekAZ or send her an e-mail at veryqueer3 at yahoo dot ca.

Quick links

44 Responses

  1. thank-you for the workshop in ottawa last saturday evening. It educated me with steps that i can apply with any relationship with involves dignity and respect in a whole new level of understanding which is deep and profound.

    cheers,
    peter dunnigan

  2. I’m so glad you got something positive from it, Peter! Thanks so much for the note. :)

  3. Hi Ms. Andrea,

    I thought you might interested in this little blog I found on afterellen.com

    http://www.afterellen.com/blog/scribegrrrl/gender-genie

    I thought since your gender can be so fluid, perhaps your writing reflects this as well. Anyway, it’s food for thought. Especially when you look at what words are considered female and male.

    GG

  4. Thanks! It’s a very interesting article… I’ve bookmarked it and I’ll surely end up writing about it here soon. Fascinating stuff.

  5. Hey Andrea! Wanted to let you know I read a few of your posts and throughly enjoyed! Compared to Montreal, I live in a virtual backwater, and reading queer writing is essential to my survival – as is writing my own. Thanks for putting your words out there.

  6. I wanted to email you directly but I could not find your email address on the site for the life of me! :-)

    I started a social utility, a la Facebook, but for the BDSM/Fetish community and I would love for you if you do not mind to check it out and give me your feedback on the site.

    http://fetlife.com

    I really appreciate it and I look forward to hearing back from you.

    Your Friend,

    John

    P.S. sorry for posting this in your about section… I just could not find a way to contact you.

  7. Hey John,

    My e-mail address is written in such a way that spammers will have a hard time finding it, but it does show up in my Workshops section a few times – just for future reference. And in case anyone else is reading, it’s veryqueer3 at yahoo dot ca. Anyway, I’ll take a look at your site and send you a note!

    Andrea

  8. I like your blog

  9. Just wrote a long letter to this site.
    Not into kinky yet just another
    sex-on-film if-i-could guy.
    So now gathering books on
    Poly-lifestyle and ever changing
    rules(they will change) rules tend
    to do that when least expected.

    Getting book titles to buy along
    with personal research.
    Though I’m a columnist at Poor Magazine
    Like being a Vegetarian this will be not
    written about only experienced.
    All Things are not Grist for the mill
    or to be written down.
    Joe.

  10. Third response Hello Ms. A. Zanin.
    Though I’m not kinky, gay, or female
    your site directed me to what was
    needed for youthful elder black male
    in Kinked out S.F.

    Polyamory may just work for me in that even if
    I’m no hedonist and like female company
    (That’s the problem being completely staight
    almost no leeway like my Lesbian, Bi, Transexual,
    Trany Bro’s and Sis’s)

    However it there are straight women out here/there
    joining also much quicker than males I won’t feel as
    weird because of this lifestyle change.

    Don’t expect to be part of any fem/male run harems
    just lots of close FWB’s that are older, mature and about
    as for younger wym’s in their mid to late 2o’s, 30’s+
    There’s no dicrimination on my part experienced that in

    dance club/bars where wymyn are actually out with fem
    friends for fun without guys but it sets guys to fail especially
    women are dressed to kill for psychological ego boost.
    Meanwhile like Pink’s song says “It You And Your Hand Tonight.”

    So “gentlemen’s” and dance/bar clubs(unless is pure sex)
    are out not worth the “instant rejection factor”
    Think about if ladies if you don’t want guys to talk to you
    why the dress smoldering hot – so you can say “not him
    suffer all of you dawgs.”

    Been there don’t that can dance well, kind, considerate, and it feels great to dance but ya know its best to conserve my precious energy for someone not playing psych games.
    Polyamory may be a more honest way to meet, greet people,
    have casual sex with one or person(s) we really like and without pressure of committment/relationship drama.

    Because the people we like are all friends and lovers and they have committments/relationships to other friends even wives for male friends and husbands for lady friends.
    Now if we can get the concept of Polyamory Bars less
    sweaty dancing that would help both guys and gals and leave
    the “Having fun with my girls friends, with a room full of horn dog guys” out in the cold.

    Who wants to date “Out for ego boost fems” who aren’t even
    there to be with guys but want to punish ‘em for being…
    horny guys? ‘YOUR SLEEPING WITH YOUR HAND TONIGHT.
    Lets get more polyamory places and have less or
    completely eliminate Cock Blockers.

    At least in a Lesbian bar guys know why they’re being rejected. I bet if most straight women acting like the above
    were in the same place with the same additude it would these
    same women being rejected by their fem loving sister’s.

  11. I would love to see your well hung CV. Please tell me where I can see it. I really want it.

    Oh, if you would add me to your blogroll that would be sweet.

    Thanks

    Widow Centauri

    http://www.widowcentauri.wordpress.com

    http://www.americandominatrix.wordpress.com

  12. Joseph – Nice to meet you! I’m glad this pointed you in a few good directions. I’m not the best-placed person to advise you on poly things in the Bay Area, but if you go to my blogroll and find Freaksexual, you should be able to leave a comment on his blog and ask that very question. He’s very involved in poly work out there and could surely direct you to the kinds of groups that would be a good fit for you.

    Funny thing, I’m so unfamiliar with the hetero dating / club scene that the kind of dynamics you write about aren’t really part of my world anymore… vaguely familiar stuff from a distant part of my past. So again I’m not necessarily the best person to help you out. But I wish you best of luck in navigating things; SF is a great place to be for all things alternative, so I’m sure you will do fine as you start exploring! By the way, I really appreciate your sense of respect for the queers and trannies out there. :)

    Widow Centauri – My “well hung CV”? Hee hee! Thanks for the image, I’ll have to describe it as such from now on! I’m loath to post the whole thing here as it truly is enormous, but feel free to drop me a line and I can send it to you if you’re really that curious – veryqueer3 at yahoo dot ca. :)

  13. Hi Andrea,

    I would love to attend your workshop on BDSM basics but I don’t see any scheduled in Toronto in the near future. Any other suggestions for workshops. I have experience but my wife would like to learn, hands on how to do a session from someone else.

  14. Hi Houston,

    All I need in order to teach is for a group or store to invite me and take care of the logistics. You can ask at Good For Her or Come As You Are (the two local shops I usually teach at), or ask the leaders of whatever local group you’re a part of, to contact me to set something up. Or you can pull a group together yourself. :) I’m not the only person who does basic BDSM workshops though – do a quick search for The 101s, or for the “So You Want to Be Kinky?” series run by Paul Ciantar. They may have something coming up that would be of interest. Or just check the Good For Her or Come As You Are sites, they run basic workshops on occasion too. Good luck!

  15. Yo!

    Andrea! Whats up in geek blogdom? Just got done learning to use wordpress building a site for Midori’s visit to Las Vegas. I’d love to have your opinion on it.

    http://midrlvwknd.wordpress.com

    Oh yeah, when are you heading back this direction? We still need to hit Zoomanity and Fashionistas!

    Chat with ya soon!

    Mateo

  16. Hello Andrea,
    And thanks for this unique blog. There is a sentence in one of your recent posts when you say you thought Toronto people were all supposed to be hardened and unfriendly. Thank God, we aren’t. I think we should all be proud of our diversity which does come in all colours of “the” rainbow. :)
    Jill

  17. Mateo – Wow, sorry, what a terrible delay in noticing your comment. I can’t seem to get the blog link to work, unfortunately, but if you re-post it perhaps I’ll be able to take a look. Also unfortunately I don’t expect I’ll be in Vegas anytime soon, but you never know – I hope to get to Burning Man 2009 or 2010 so maybe we can come by after or before. I’d love to do Zumanity with you (seen it once, but twice or three times wouldn’t be a hardship!) and Fashionistas for sure. *sigh* So much good stuff to do, so little time. Good luck with the Midori weekend, I’m sure you’ll pull it off with flair.

    Jill – Thanks for your kind comment. Toronto people are pretty awesome in my experience, I certainly can’t complain! :) Nice to have you reading.

  18. great blog. glad to have stumbled across it. ;)

  19. Hi there!

    I stumbled across your blog after finding your piece ‘What Trans Erotica Gets Wrong’, and, hell, I couldn’t agree with you any more. In fact I wrote a similar article to yours, only coming at it from a slightly different angle (http://www.theskinny.co.uk/article/42474-reclaiming-trans-sexuality). It’s good to hear other people pointing out why exotification of trans-people sucks :)

    Love xxx

  20. Hi there, I really like your blog. I was wondering if you might consider putting a subscribe plug-in on your site so I can view it in google reader. I’d like to keep up with your updates.

    Best Wishes From London,
    A

  21. [...] Andrea Zanin, freelance editor and professional sex geek, presented “Sexing the Language: Editing for Sexual Minorities” to help editors (1) engage respectfully and accurately with the continuously shifting vernacular used by diverse groups of sexual minorities and (2) recognize and eliminate biased and loaded expressions and assumptions about sexual minorities. I can’t possibly summarize the breadth of information in her talk here, nor match her presentation’s energy, so instead I will repeat the 3 guiding rules she provided us: be respectful, be accurate, and, whenever you don’t know if the language you’re using is respectful and accurate, just ask for Pete’s sake. Here’s a link to a great article by Andrea: “hello, sir—i mean, ma’am”: trans etiquette for dummies. Check it out! [...]

  22. Hi Sex Geek,

    I got turned on to your blog from one of our exhibitors and have thoroughly enjoyed reading them througout today and will more than likely be reading them periodically now that i have found you. I was also hoping to speak to you in person at sometime in the near future but did not find a contact e-mail for you so thought this would be the best place to leave you a message. Please contact me at he e-mail i provided and we can talk more than. Keep up the great work, it’s always nice to see good positive information coming out.

  23. Hi Mikey. Contact info is in the first couple of paragraphs in this section, but you’re not the only one to have missed it, so I’m gonna go make it red! :) Thanks for finding me here. I’ll drop you a line.

  24. Hi,

    Do you accept blog roll? Is it okay for you that I will post your blog link to my blog sites?

    Thanks with regards,

    Kikay

  25. Kikay – Sure, by all means! Nice to have you here.

  26. Hi Andrea!
    I just read your post on It Gets Better.
    I really enjoyed your positive thinking and nuances. You made my day brighter, thanks!
    Guillaume

  27. Hi Andrea,
    I have a friend who is interested in moving here from the US to complete her doctorate work. Was wondering if you could give her some idea of current costs. You can find her at Shanna Katz on facebook if you are interested in talking to her. Thanks in advance.
    Karen Clenighan Kalinowski
    Sex Educator
    Kandor Inc.

  28. Hi Karen – I’m no expert on what US citizens pay for doctoral tuition in Canada, and it will of course depend on province and type of program (academic vs professional, etc.). But tuition costs are usually outlined on the websites of any given university so if she’s willing to do a bit of leg work she shouldn’t have too much trouble finding that info. I’m happy to be e-introduced to your friend if you like but I’m likely not the best resource for this particular question!

  29. [...] sex educator, and PhD student in Women’s Studies and you can read her very entertaining bio here. Share this:ShareFacebookDiggStumbleUponEmailTwitterRedditPrintLike this:LikeBe the first to like [...]

  30. Andrea,

    I enjoyed the article on why rape jokes aren’t funny… and I fully agree.

    I do wonder, however, what you really mean when you refer to the BDSM scene. Isn’t that a bit of an abstraction? I won’t say that it doesn’t exist, but I do think it’s a funky construct. Who is in? Who is out? Frankly, I think it’s a bit like race. We can sort of say that it exists because people believe themselves to belong to groups, but the edges are fuzzy, and it’s pretty damn hard to make statements about fuzzy constructs. How do you really do meaningful, scientific studies? I’d love to see them. I feel that some of the sweeping statements that are made about groups often have little to do with individuals and their unique thoughts, feelings, experiences and behaviors.

    To me… the root of the problem still lies in the socialization of gender and sex. If somehow we can shift the dialog away from masculine versus feminine to agentic versus communal/nurturing… such that these dimensions are orthogonal to sex… we’d be doing generations to come a favor. In other words… while it may be true that there are sex-linked traits and sex-linked behaviors (as a product of evolution), to label them this way isn’t informative and may perpetuate sex links after their usefulness has evaporated. This is related to your article… in the sense that dominant sexual behavior is agentic where submissive behavior is low in agency. I suppose that a dom could be agentic and nurturing… or not… as the two dimensions are orthogonal. A submissive could be low in agency and highly nurturing… or not. This is a much richer representation than this pathetic dom-masculine, sub-feminine link.

    If we can begin to allow people to describe behavior in a more accurate, satisfying way… we may ultimately find that they are more able to explore and realize their sexuality, without many of the stigmas that go along with gender. That is: I don’t think there’s necessarily a need for people to describe sex as agentic or communal, but I do think that if we begin to conceive of behavior in these terms in general… if we decouple these qualities from sex by extracting the gender construct… in the long run, women and men will be freer to be who they really are both in and out of the bedroom (or kitchen, or bathroom floor, etc.) I do not feel that there’s anything wrong with “kink”; it’s nothing to be ashamed of, unless it’s truly harmful to others. Experienced in its proper context, it can be quite healthy. People need to be more in touch with themselves and their motives… and not driven by playing roles in fitting with their biological sex.

    It’s OK for a woman to be “submissive” and a man “dominant”… just as it’s OK for a woman to be dominant and a man submissive. There’s no reason that these orientations should be linked to sex. I’m not sure that the blame is to be laid, thus, on the BDSM scene… whatever that is (if it even exists as such)… but on the society that shapes sexuality, of which BDSM is just one manifestation.

    Do you agree or disagree? What are your thoughts?

  31. [...] a recent article on her blog Sex Geek, Andrea Zanin reminds readers that rape jokes are never funny. Her post is particularly directed to the BDSM [...]

  32. [...] April 17th – Comes As You Are brings in the Sex Geek herself for The Dance of D/s; which is all about using body language and tone to enhance your power [...]

  33. Andrea, I love your blog. I added it to my blog’s blogroll and I hope others visit your site often to read some very astute, insightful and thought-provoking posts. Keep up the good work. Race Bannon

  34. Hey, I just nominated you for the Liebster blog award because I really like your blog, check it out if you are interested! :)

    http://oversharetheblog.wordpress.com/2012/11/11/the-liebster-blog-award/

  35. I am new to the lifestyle currently serving my Dom.

  36. Not sure how to contact you other than here, but wanted to say thanks for the amazing workshop on Impact Play in Halifax on Saturday. It was totally not what i expected, but it turned out to be so much better! I totally did expect a technique workshop, but this was so much better. This should precede any technique workshop, and i’m glad that for me, that was the case. :)

  37. So excited to have found your blog via a search for 24/7 D/s! I just offered it to my followers on my D/s Tumblr blog. I know it will do many a lot of good. I plan to spend many happy hours here.

  38. […] it and reblog it myself.”  Lines i have lifted directly from the original blog post by SexGeek are in italics. So here […]

  39. […] some lovely blogs I’ve stumbled upon; Andrea at Tracy at Blackdragon at H.H […]

  40. […] I didn’t coin the term, that credit goes to Andrea Zanin of Sex Geek, a blog about all things sexual and kinky (though she doesn’t actually take credit […]

  41. […] Ein zwar langer, aber sehr lesenswerter Artikel in englischer Sprache ist the problem with polynormativity von Sexgeek. […]

  42. In
    if trans women aren’t welcome, neither am I
    you spoke to all cis-women about the true nature of transwomen…….we are women in our heart and mind….just born with the wrong container. Any where a woman is accepted, we should be accepted . It only means that we are women inside and you should expect us to act and love and feel as a woman. It does not mean we are better or beautiful or smarter or kinder or ….anything else. It just means our gender is female. The type of woman , good or bad, that we are is for you to determine as you know us personally. A chance to prove we are who we are is all we hope for.

    Andrea , thank you for trying to de-myth the prejudice in the cis-female world about transwomen.

    Sarah

  43. […] Andrea Zanin is a teacher and blogger who focuses on queer sexuality, non-monogomy, and BDSM/Leather. With polyamory increasingly in the news, we thought her post on polynormativity was more relevant than ever. We’ve included an edited version below, and will post her problems with polynormativity next week. Check out the original post on her blog, Sex Geek, here. […]

  44. […] of many highlights of Westcoast Bound 2014 was the opportunity to personally thank Andrea Zanin for her amazing blog post the problem with polynormativity. I don’t currently identify as […]

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