Here are my many reading and general resource lists, with a heavy emphasis on the reading. Enjoy!
- Kink 101 – For people who are new to kink and interested in sampling a range of basic resources.
- D/s, M/s and protocol – For people who are specifically interested in power relationships.
- Writing by Black and POC authors – All genres combined. This one is always a work in progress! Your suggestions are welcome!
- Leather leadership – My recommended readings for the aspiring leather community leader, including young titleholders.
- Reading for therapists – For therapists and other mental health service providers who need a crash course in understanding kink.
- Literary perversions: a curated list of really, really good BDSM fiction – Pretty much what it sounds like. BDSM book clubs take note!
I welcome suggestions for additions to any of these lists! Post in the comments or drop me a line at veryqueer3 at yahoo dot ca.
Sex Geek 
Hi.
I’m compiling information on the BDsM industry and am trying to find out how many are listed as within the lifestyle and if there might be a breakdown of sorts and am particularly interested in a count of those collared.
Any references will help.
Thank you.
kathleen
Hi Kathleen,
I’m not sure what you mean by “the BDSM industry.” If you can clarify, I’d be happy to tell you whatever I know!
Andrea
hi
I am trying to make a complete list of kinks. from the normal to the very weird. the normal ones are fairly easy to come across but where can I find the abnomal ones. any help would be appiciated
Hi I’m doing a paper in sociology (sex, gender & nature) that draws upon my experiences in a Master/Slave(dominant/submissive) relationship where I was trained in all ways that would please my master. (very like a victorian womman’s training, they same type of ideology behind the silent woman who serves) but it was a very different relationship supposedly not just this in a sexual domain but a 24/7 living relationship where the hierarchy functioned all the time, as did his right to speak and I could only speak when he chose. How common are these 24/7 Master/Slave relationships? What would be some things to watch out for? The other thing is that he said safe words and communication, which were underlined as necessary in this type of relationship, he said were not needed in a 24/7 relationship. A slave in one of these, he said, could only use the safe word once, when she wanted to end the relationship, otherwise she had to trust her master not to hurt her and be proud of her “stripes” when he punished her. He also stated communication never solved anything, just cause more arguing and the only way to judge a person was by their behaviour. Should these things be a red flag, or should you just trust another? How can you if you can never say no without leaving the relationship? What can you do to negotiate this double standard? Is it abuse? Why wouldn’t he think so? (then again, he thought by consenting to be there, you consented to what he wanted to do, period. that’s odd, right?) But he’s not a bad person however, these overly controlling behaviours worry me. Advice and resources please. (sorrry for going on so)
Hi Melannie. I’m not sure I can provide enough info in a comment bar to give you all the answers you need. I invite you to e-mail me privately at veryqueer3 at yahoo dot ca if you’d like to talk about things a bit more.
I will say that Master/slave relationships do exist and can be healthy, but an enormous amount of trust needs to be built before one enters that sort of dynamic, especially at the intensity you describe. And that trust is built slowly and with a great deal of… you guessed it… communication.
So there are two red flags for me in what you have said.
The first is that anyone who thinks communication is unnecessary is not being very realistic about how trusting, healthy relationships work. I totally understand that a person’s behaviour is much more meaningful than their words when it comes to demonstrating their character, but from there to saying that communication is unnecessary… yikes.
The second is that you’re clearly not sure it’s a healthy situation yourself, or you wouldn’t be asking the question to a stranger on a blog. If you were deliriously happy and trusted your Master beyond a shadow of a doubt, you would not be worrying in this way. So clearly you don’t entirely trust what’s going on, or that it is in your best interests. So: lack of communication, lack of trust – you see the problem.
This doesn’t mean you are necessarily in an abusive relationship – I don’t have enough info to make a judgement on that. It also doesn’t mean your Master is a bad person. But it does mean that clearly the framework you’re working in is not sitting well with you, and you have some doubts that deserve to be taken seriously and addressed.
Again, please drop me a line if you’d like to converse about this more. Perhaps I can direct you to appropriate resources. Among other things you might try joining fetlife.com and posting this question to a submissive or slave group to see what others have to say.
Hi Andrea,
I attended the Making An Impact at LSM last Friday and you (and your scenes) were amazing.
I have been trying to remember a book title for a few years and I was hoping you could help me out. It involved a headmaster, caning and the title was the name of the headmaster’s caning muse. In the end, the muse was taken to a remote building, killed and released onto a cliff via a trap door. There are many other details I could provide, if that could help.
Do you think you could help? I’m hoping your sex-geekiness extends to my crazy-book search. The scenes were hot and I’m do for a re-read.
Thanks,
Sandi
Hi Sandi – Thanks for the kind words! Glad you had a good time. I certainly did. Heh. 😉
As for your question… I totally wish I could help you out, but I am woefully ignorant when it comes to kink fiction. I am familiar with most of the classics, but I am not a hardcore kink fiction reader so I’m not really the best person to ask when it comes to anything even a bit obscure. Sorry. Sex geek fail.
That said, there is a FetLife group called “The Kinky Intellectual’s Book Club” (http://fetlife.com/groups/36) where you could post this question… that might help!
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU… I posted my query to the FetLife group and “SNAP!” I got the title plus other prospective reads to investigate… I can hardly wait.
Thanks again,
Sandi
Have you ever come to the conclusion that you will never know all the technical terms in BDSM ??